A Foundation is Born
Victoria Catherine Flick was a happy seven-year-old. As we reflect on our little girl, and the things that made her happy, bubbles come to mind. How she loved having bubbles blown through the plastic wand for her! Chocolate would come in second, followed by swimming in her pool, and the new bicycles certainly earn rank on the chart. But, just simply having Victoria in our lives to love stands far above everything! Victoria was and always will be loved, and we loved loving her.
Our family was very fortunate to give our daughter all that she needed. As a result, our lives have been also affected in a positive way.
I still find myself looking at the clock, and remembering her schedule. Every morning waking up, and thinking to myself, “right now Victoria would be fed, and waiting for her school bus to pull up in front of our house”. I also wonder, “would we have had a doctor’s appointment today”, and of course when the flu and stomach virus is going around, would she be sick, or in the hospital?
During the last three and a half years of Victoria’s life, her immune system was very low. She would become very sick, very quickly and most likely be admitted into the hospital.
There are also the warmer days when I think, “this would be a great day for a walk”, or taking Victoria on a bike ride with our oldest child, Christina. As I talk to other special needs families who have lost their child, I learn our losses are the same. We all look at the clock. We all think of the ‘”what ifs”, the “could haves”, and “should haves”. It still doesn’t mean in any way that it makes it easier.
Our family came to be on July 1, 1994 with the birth of our oldest daughter Christina. Christina was, and is, everything we ever wanted. She was born post due date, induced labor, and delivered via c-section. At seven twenty-nine that evening, my husband and I became proud parents of a beautiful seven pound seven ounce baby girl, Christina Marie.
Oh, how I remember all too clearly, the sleepless nights, the diapers, packing half the house to visit family and friends for a couple of hours! As time moved on, we adjusted. Christina was growing so fast and she was so smart. I have to admit she was much more advanced then most children. Life was perfect. Perfect, now that’s one word that comes to mind even to this day. I don’t think I truly understood what perfect was until about a year before Victoria’s passing. Having two beautiful children has taught me a lifetime of understanding.
I think it was the month of September 1996 that I learned I was carrying our second child (Victoria). I was very happy, of course. But wondered if I was capable of loving another child, as much as Christina. I was worried that Christina wouldn’t have the same attention from me, once the new baby joined our family. During my pregnancy, we became more and more excited. Christina insisted the doctor give her a sister, nothing less. She wanted a little sister to play dolls with, to watch over and to be a big sister. John and I felt similar emotions as well… just one more baby.
June 3, 1997 Victoria Catherine Flick was born. She was seven pounds eleven ounces. There were complications. Victoria was also post delivery date, and a scheduled inducement. Complications arose during v-back (vaginal birth after c-section delivery). Victoria was born emergency c-section, and rushed to neonatal intensive care. I was also placed in intensive care. My husband, following Victoria’s birth awaked me. John explained to me that we now have a beautiful baby girl, but during the next twenty-four hours we would be uncertain of her survival. He told me of the complications, and Victoria was in the hands of the doctors. Everything that could be done for her will be. Debbie, he said, she’ll be ok. Whatever it takes. She’s ours and she’s beautiful.
I heard something about my baby being in a vegetative state, possible Cerebral Palsy, and a chance she would not survive. I was also informed that my uterus and cervix had been removed, my bladder repaired (it had split in half) and that I had also required a blood transfusion. I would never have children again.
Victoria was resuscitated after being deprived of oxygen. Due to the fact that a PH balance test could not be accomplished because her umbilical cord had been severed at some point during labor. She was free floating in my body without oxygen.
On Friday, June 6,1997 I met my beautiful daughter for the first time. My Victoria was placed into my arms (no one had held Victoria before she was in my arms), she opened her eyes for the first time, and we were both in love. We were both where we needed to be. Together.
Our daughter arrived home only a few weeks later. As Victoria grew, so did the anxiety with the insurance company. We quickly learned that this was not going to be happily ever after. Victoria was diagnosed with Cerebral Palsy.
The finances incurred for a special needs family is exhausting. Battles with coverage are never ending, and the emotional stress on the family is painful.
I remember Victoria’s physical therapist suggesting we request a special equipped walker to teach Victoria to stride walk, and strengthen her upper body movement. The vendor personally came to the therapist’s office and brought a model for Victoria to try. We placed her into the walker (pacer). I will never forget the look on my daughter’s face when she took her first independent steps. It was an amazing moment for all of us! She took one step, then two. As she held her head up to me, she saw that she was completely on her own. Victoria’s smile was as wide as an ocean, and her eyes were brighter then day!
I then requested this wonderful tool for Victoria to prance around in, and was quickly shattered when the insurance company denied it for her. I filed a grievance with the carrier, and was denied again. This apparatus was much too expensive for my husband and I to invest in. At the time it was about four thousand dollars more then we could afford. Eventually, we did have the finances to provide our daughter all that she needed. But, as parents, we will never forget the initial feeling of not being able to meet all of our daughter’s needs, the heartache, or the sleepless nights wondering where we could come up with the balance for these needed tools.
In December 1999 we moved from Pennsylvania to Delaware. It has been a happy and satisfying decision. We bought a ranch style house and installed ramps. We purchased an in ground heated pool (one of Victoria’s favorites), installed a swing set for Christina, and added a specially equipped swing for Victoria. We also chose Pergo flooring throughout the kitchen, and dinning room, so that Victoria could use her walker in the house without getting caught in the grooves of the other flooring options. Victoria had a special floating device to help her swim independently in the pool, an adult with her, of course. She also had a specially equipped bicycle that my bike pulled, so that she was able to sit back and enjoy the ride. Victoria also had a specially equipped bicycle to fit her needs, so she could ride the bike herself. We had just borrowed it from her school four days before her passing.
Victoria’s last few days with us were shared with visiting friends from out of state. Victoria made a friend during our visit to Canada for elective physical therapy, and they were sharing the weekend with us. Victoria and her little friend had such a nice time swimming, and playing together. Since Victoria had two different bikes to use this weekend, I offered her friend the pull bike – evidently this was Victoria’spreferred bike to ride. She threw a fit when she was told that it wasn’t her turn. She had to use the tricycle instead. She was so mad. I explained to Victoria that she had to share. “Share with your friend, Victoria. You will get a turn next.” She didn’t like it, but she also understood. This was unconsciously the birth of The Victoria Flick’s Friends Foundation.
It’s time to share. There are so many children who could benefit from something so simple, yet too financially astronomical for most families to afford.
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